By Katie & Gay Hendricks
Is there something in your past causing you pain and preventing you from fully experiencing joy in the present?
If you’re single, maybe you’re still hung up on an old flame. You have some regrets and wish you’d handled things differently.
If you’re in a relationship, perhaps there is an upset you can’t seem to move on from. It could be anything from a fight over dinner to a betrayal of trust.
Whatever scenario you happen to be in, it’s crippling you and hindering your ability to either connect with a new prospect or reconnect with your partner.
People might tell you to just “move on,” but you just can’t.
So what do you do?
Well, we have a radical answer for you.
Here’s the truth – and if you really take it in, it will come as a relief:
You NEVER get over the past.
Think of getting over something. You get over a challenge, or over a barrier of some sort, but the past has already happened. It’s outside of your control.
You can’t go back and fix what happened. There’s absolutely no use stewing over it. Life is filled with a million moments – some will look back on with fondness, and some wish it had never happened. This is normal.
What you CAN control is how you will let the past affect you today.
And there’s only one way that we really know of that works:
You get over the past when you open your heart to it, the moment you accept it as is – the moment you say:
“Ok, that happened. And this is happening now.”
There are some verbs that are especially useful in doing this:
Including and welcoming the past.
Until you’ve included the past and embraced it, you can’t put your focus on what you want.
The moment you let go of the past is the moment you love it as it is. Because it’s already happened and there’s nothing you can do about it in the present.
So give it a drop of love and love yourself for however you feel about it.
Feel remorseful about your past actions? Love yourself for it.
Feel pathetic that you wasted so much time on a situation you can’t do anything about? Love yourself for that, too.
When you do this, you become present, so you can create the relationships you want now – both with yourself and with others.
When you accept the past as it is, then the next important step is:
“Ok, NOW what do I want?”
When you put attention and actions into what you want to create now – despite what your past is – you can create the relationship future that you really want.
Suddenly, the past is no longer a burden for you, but a springboard. What has held you down for so long can now be channeled into something completely new.
Your future is created one new choice at a time!
If we didn’t follow these principles, we would still be stuck lamenting over the problems we experienced early on in our marriage – such as criticism and blame.
Yet we knew that dwelling on what happened would guarantee that we would stay there. Instead, we asked ourselves a powerful question that has driven our choices since that day:
“How can we create a relationship that runs entirely on positive energy?”
The answer: It’s not any one thing, but rather various practices and habits that allow us to create the relationship we want – one day at a time.
If you’ve gotten into the habit of letting your past control your future you’re not alone. You have a choice right now: either to quantify the effects of your past by letting it poison your present, or to sign up for our free relationship advice newsletter today and access a toolkit of actions to help you design your positive future. We look forward to helping you discover simple ways to let go of the past, and turn on the love.